Crazy Girls Unite

MS and I have known each other for a LONG time. We met when my family moved next door to her family in 1980. Our Dad’s were talking at the fence that divided my back yard from her front yard. My Dad called to me to get out of the pool and come meet my neighbor. I go to the fence to find this little girl in blond Bo Derek braids, hand on her hip with a look to match on her face. Next thing I know, I’m hopping over the fence and into her pool. There was a time when MS and I weren’t friends. It was after my Mom died and I was strung out on drugs, following the wrong group of kids. I learned that not only was I destroying a lifelong friendship but I was being a follower. I’m sure my Mom was disgusted with me during that period, thank god I pulled my head out of my ass and not only cleaned myself up but cleaned up my friendship with MS. For most of my life, it feels like MS has been there because she has. She is one of the reasons why I’m here today. During the whole breast cancer treatments and surgeries, she helped me. Phone calls were a saving grace. She sent me her Mom’s favorite china tea pot during that time and to this day whenever I look at it I can feel the love from both of them.

I took MS to Venice with me, thought it would be nice to get her out of SD for a night let us have some crazy times together, like we needed more of those. We stopped at Sole Tech for some free shopping which was fun. Unfortunately nothing was found for us but our guys and her daughter made out. The X hid from me the entire time, weirdo. We had fun though. Then it was up to RB to see PJ. I love the kid and I miss him tremendously. MS was falling asleep as we sat there excited to chat about all things skate. When we get together it's the craziest meeting of the minds that you can imagine. Ideas are thrown out, artwork is edited, punches are thrown, it's a bit nuts.

Then it was on to Venice where we crashed the Sidewalk Café for a pitcher. It was nice to sit there and people watch, make fun of the craziness. I had made dinner plans with some of my favorite girls. I realized being in PDX that I miss having my good friends around me. So a group of us met for sushi. During dinner I told my girls about my date and how DH had disappeared. MS gave her own view with “He’s a dog. She needs to drink, get this girl a drink”. It was really funny. I knew deep down inside that DH wasn’t just blowing me off, something was wrong.

We finished dinner and went to a bar where a few boys met us. One is very funny and one is full of himself. The latter didn’t last too long, I think we were way to much for him at that point. The girls dropped out one by one to where it was MS, IV and me. Once again, shots are flowing. My god, why do people give me shots? Anyway, before I know it we’re off to Mexican food. As soon as we get there I spill a full glass of water on the plate of guacamole. Well we drain the water off and keep eating. Gross. There were plenty of antics, bad jokes, bad photos, loud conversations. It was all really funny. MS and IV were hilarious together, talking about jobs, marketing etc. The photos are insane. IV had a friend with him, an interesting friend we called T&A because we couldn’t remember her name. Go figure, after all those beers and shots I’m lucky I knew my name! Anyway, this girl was hammered and before we know it is crawling on all fours in the mexi restaurant. This place has been around forever and I can’t even begin to imagine the shit that is on the floor. I guess that’s when we decided it was time to leave.

We go back to my old place to stay the night. Next day we wake up laughing, once again trying to fill in the blanks. Then it’s off to breakfast with IV to fill in even more blanks! After breakfast we decide it’s time to go home. I drive since MS is hungover to the point where if she drove it’d be bad. There were more escapades but they’re either too detailed to write about or it’d take me too long to explain. Plus none of this is funny unless you’re there. So why the hell am I still typing?

I miss my girls, I miss the great jokes the one liners, the flirting with boys, all of it. It was funny MS hadn’t met any of my girls in Venice but it was like she’s known all of them for years. One of these days I’m going to meld my CA and my NYC girls together and have one big goulash of girls!

My Crazy Ass Reunion

Well I’m back from San Diego. I know I haven’t updated the blog in awhile. To be honest, I didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to do it. It’s so strange how what is happening to friends can affect you.

Watching DH, rather listening to DH go through the sickness and now death of Pops has brought me right back to losing my own Mom. I listen to him, let him know how I dealt/deal with losing my Mom, get off the phone and cry. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m so unsettled. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m so far away from my Dad. Who knows. All I know is that it’s got me thinking, about a lot of things. I've got some major changes coming my way.

Pop’s passed on Mother’s Day. I can’t imagine, Mother’s Day. I found out the next day and honestly had no idea how to respond. We had a long talk and then I left him alone. I knew he needed space. I knew Mom would be a wreck and being the oldest he'd have to help take care of her and support her. Figure the best thing for me to do was to send flowers with a nice card and let the family be. He called when the flowers arrived and was shocked and happy. Made me happy.

I called a few days before I was leaving for SD and found out that the funeral was the day before I arrived. I said I'd change my flight but again we decided it was best to stick to the original plan. I didn't know what to do, what to say so I left him alone. I arrived in SD a nervous wreck. I almost missed my connecting flight I was freaking out so bad. First step was to call DH when I landed. I looked at MS, who picked me up at the airport and said “Holy shit what if he doesn’t answer?” I was freaking. He answered and was excited, nervous and funny as all hell. I felt like I had the DH back that I had reconnected with in March.

Off to MS’s to get ready and wait. Only 1 outfit change! I was so proud of myself. Tight jeans with big cuff, tight low cut cute shirt and heels. I had found my inner hoochie mamma! He finally showed up, on time, in a ’77 Monte Carlo with suicide doors and hydrolics. I ran into the kitchen where MS and I laughed and hugged each other like we were in 7th grade. I was shaking, had dry mouth, I was out of my mind. So out the door I go to meet this man in the front yard. He looked exactly like I had expected. Tatt’s, baggies, hat, me to a T. He saw me and said “Oh shit so this is how you roll?” All I could do was laugh and throw my arms around his neck.

You can’t imagine what it’s like to be in the arms of someone you’ve missed for so long. I had tears in my eyes and was amazed to find that we were both standing there shaking. I don’t think I’ve ever been held like that, I never wanted it to end. I finally pulled away and he grabbed my face and softly kissed me then said “I am so nervous, are you nervous?” I had to laugh, it was eveident that I was more than nervous. I brought him into the house for a glass of water and he talked to MS for a few. It was nervous chatter until she said “I am so sorry for your loss” then he talked for a good 10 min about Pops, dealing with Mom. They had been married for 42 years.

We decided to leave and walked outside to the ’77 where he hit a remote and the doors flew open. I had to laugh, I mean really! As we drive out the driveway and down the street he hits the hydrolics so the car bounces up off the ground. Out of the corner of my eye is my Dad watering the lawn in his front yard. To say his jaw was dropped is putting it mild. It was probably one of the funniest moments that I shared with myself. I looked straight ahead and we kept going.

We both started talking at once. He was starving, I was sick to my stomach but was game for anything. He asked me if it was okay if we went by a friends work, he needed to drop something off. Off to DMC we go, a chopper shop. The guys that run the shop are like the Irish brothers I never knew I had or wanted. Not only do they build choppers but they have a have a huge bar that they’ve built upstairs. I’m given the tour and the 4 of us wind up in the bar chatting. It was seriously hilarious. DH sat there holding my hand while I drank a Guinness in marathon time. Next thing you know we’re on our way to the car to drive to the beach for a late lunch, with friends in tow. So much for a romantic date but it was fine, we were having fun and that’s what mattered. We did lunch with the crew then we decided, finally, to go off on our own. In other words, it was time to go to his house ☺ It was quite a reunion once we got there! I needed a nap, I had been awake since 4:15am, and I could tell by the circles under his eyes that he was needing one as well.

Next thing you know, our phones are ringing and it’s time to go out. DH turns to me and says “Do you want to stay in and watch a movie or do you want to go out with our friends?” Our friends, we were about to meld a group together and I was a bit nervous about that. So we opted to stay in. I changed into his sweats and realized I didn’t have a good cell signal so I asked him to go outside with me, plus he wanted to check on the ’77. We step outside and run smack into his brother who takes a look at me and says “Oh shit! I haven’t seen you since you were blond!” We sat outside, chatted, caught up a bit. He said that he had been listening to us laugh and it brought back memories for him. Cute. I’m glad we stayed in, he seemed to be having a hard time dealing with something. Before I knew it, he was sick and shaking. He wondered why, I didn’t. I’d been there before. He was starting to relax and the overwhelming past few months were catching up to him. It’s called mourning. So we snuggle on the couch followed by my first night of more than 4 hours of sleep in a long time.

The next day we go to the Waterfront, SD’s oldest bar, for breakfast. I meet a few more of his friends, we people watch, have bloody mary’s and breakfast. I’m in the same outfit, new makeup and hair is in a rat’s nest aka ponytail. In the bathroom, I have 2 girls tell me how cute my style is and what a cute couple we are. I had to laugh and of course told him once we got in the car. Off to 2 Roses Tattoo where we both knew the owner. Another small world. I, of course, make an appointment for my next tattoo while he stands there shaking his head. The man who is covered in tatt’s shook his head. Made me laugh. (No I have no idea what I’m getting). We cruised around Chicano Park and Logan Heights, areas that my Dad has warned me for 40 years that I’m not allowed to go near. But with him I knew I was safe.

Then it’s back to Melissa’s house, he had to go take care of Mom. We hung out a little bit there and then he was gone after promising to return the next day for our BBQ. But Sunday came and went and no DH. No calls, no texts and no DH. Monday same thing. Tuesday same thing. Wednesday he finally calls. Sunday his cousin died. Monday Mom’s best friend died. To say he was stressed, upset, whatever doesn’t do him justice. The one line I hear over and over is when he said “I haven’t even started mourning Pops and now I have 2 more funerals to help Mom through”.

Longer story short we meet out Friday night at a bar with MS, JS and my brother. DH hasn’t seen my brother in 20+ years so I was a little nervous. It was all good though, they shook hands and hugged. The chopper boys were there, and DH’s best friend. I get a hug just like Friday and smile at the chopper boy who is shaking his head like we're nuts. I can and want to hold onto this man forever. We settle into a big booth and the drinks started flowing.

We figured out that MS, DH and everyone at the table all know the same people. So strange that she and JS hadn’t run into him before. Then came “Oh you know her? That’s my baby mamma”. I spit out my drink. I know his baby mamma. MS knows his baby mamma. Everyone but my brother knows his baby mamma. Unreal. We all sit there telling stories for hours and the drinks and shots flow. Oy. The bartenders ask DH and I how we know each other (they’re friends of his). We tell the story and before I know, I’ve got 2 shots of Jameson in me. Then a 3rd.

Story time. We talk about the time his brother crashed bad skating and remember that we went to find him together. I had completely forgotten about that story and a few others. My brother starts telling stories and we finish them realizing how much time we had spent together back in the day. It's so strange, like we were filling in the blanks. It took me, DH, MS and my brother to do this but it was fun. All the while we're holding hands, his arm is around me and I'm happier than ever.

His friend joins us and I realize we have friends in common and have partied together years ago. I give him a few phone numbers of long lost friends and he starts dialing. My brother has stolen my iphone out of my purse and is texting friends of mine pretending to be me. For instance he sent MS a note that says "You really should go back to being a blond". We don't realize until the next day that he was fucking with my friends. It was really funny.

DH and I talked about him, about me, about us in whispers. He finally started to let me in, told me how broken he was from his last relationship. Problem is the whiskey starting to hit me. Whiskey is like giving me truth serum and boxing gloves. Next thing I know, I’ve laid my heart out on the table but end it by letting him know that I’m just happy to have him back in my life no matter what happens to "us". Tears in eyes, kisses, hand holding all the while we've got 7 people at the table with us. But who cares. The jukebox is going, drinks are still flowing and I'm hammered. We're all hammered.

We decide the best bet is for him to go into hibernation for the month of June. He needs time, doesn’t need me driving him nuts I know that! He needs to mourn, to have time by himself. We escape to the bathroom a few times to chat, kiss etc. which was funny since the entire bar knew what we were up to. MS and my brother both busted us. We had fun, I think everyone had fun.

We walk to the parking lot, okay we stumble arm in arm to the parking lot. Then I said something that upsets DH, he calls me “grabby” and I end up throwing his jacket, which I’m wearing at him. He throws it back at me, I throw it back at him, etc. See the boxing gloves come on. I should not drink whiskey, neither should he! His buddy who is sober takes us home. We yell at each other in MS’s front yard and off I go into the house. The next morning I notice that I sent him a text at 2:41am that says “I know you need time, I get it. See you in July”

I get a text from him the next morning that says “I’m drinking a beer with Mom waiting for cousins funeral to start. Then I’ve got my daughter. Talk soon”

That was it.

Now I wait until July, let the countdown begin again.

PS Yes that's us in the booth and he's whispering sweet nothings in my ear which he promised he'd do back in March. He made every promise come true by the way ;-)

Who Pissed Off Mother Nature?

Yes we get excited about storms. Okay, let me rephrase that, my family gets excited about storms. My brother and the kids hadn't been at my place for 10 minutes when this storm ripped through. It was amazing. I had never seen anything like it. 90 seconds on the balcony and I was drenched. As you can tell by the audio, I thought it was all pretty funny. I hope that's the last one of the season but I doubt it, dark clouds are rolling in as I type. Rain rain go away and please don't fucking come back.

Dark Clouds Dark Mood

I know, 3 posts in one day and then I go silent. The weather here really has a tight grip on me. Being in the sun in Atlanta and Hilton Head reminded me of how much I was missing good weather. Now that I’m back home and the rain is coming down in sheets, depression has set in! It absolutely amazes me. I don’t remember this happening in NYC but then again, I was 10 + years younger and back then was probably not looking at the weather! I took the photo above yesterday, now you can see why my head is as dark as the sky.

Work is slow, really slow. I’m growing increasingly worried about it. As much as I’d like to stay here forever I’m afraid I’ll be lucky if I last an entire year. As it is right now, I’ll be in CA for at least July and probably part of August. I have to; it’s where everything is happening. Even if I’m not working a comp or event, I need to be there to schmooze! Part of me is excited for it and part of me is dreading being away from the nephews for so long. I haven’t bought my ticket yet, waiting until my trip to SD before I do it.

I had a long talk with my Dad about work. Ever since he admitted to dreaming that I moved home, figure the door was open for discussion. He’s worried like me but knows that I’ll figure it out. I asked him if he’d consider selling me his house if I was to move to SD with a good job etc. He told me that I should just rent a room from MS instead. Guess that was a no. Made me laugh.

Speaking of, my calendar for SD is filling up faster than I had expected. I have plans every single night now. I guess it’s to be expected since that’s usually what happens when I’m home. As it stands, I’ve got 2 nights of music, 2 reunions (DH and the group of friends that I went to my HS prom with), 1 night in Venice which includes dinner with the girls and the possibility of drinks with a few boys, a graduation, at least 1 bbq and god knows what else.

Spoke with DH the other night and it was both depressing and filled with laughter. He called from his parent’s house where he was trying to make sure Dad was comfortable and that Mom wasn’t losing her mind. Guess she’s concentrating on Dad rather than taking care of herself. Both are weighing heavily on him. He cracked me up though when he said:

"I've been thinking about our date on Friday. It's kind of weird that we’re going to see each other and then go on a double date. So I am taking the day off and will be at the airport waiting for you". I about shat my pants. Good thing I'm fast on my feet, told him I need to see Big Tim first and that he can come get me at 1pm.  It’s going to be a crazy day, getting up at 4:30am for a 6am flight. Landing at 10:30am only to have MS drive like a bat out of hell to get home, shower, pick out an outfit and hopefully be ready in time.

We chatted for a good 20 min before he was summoned back into the house. I really feel bad for him, he’s got to much shit going on. Listening to him dealing with both parents was heartbreaking. Made me wish I could be there for him more than ever.

We haven’t chatted too much since then. I got the surprise text of “XO” Saturday night, which put a huge smile on my face. I sent him a note today to see how he was going and got “Just doing the family thing”. I wrote back “I’m here if you need me xo” and decided to leave it like that. I’ll check in at the end of the week.

So that's where life is leading me these days....right back to where I started from. I just hope I end up in the tattoo'd arms of a certain hubba hubba!

WTF?

I was walking through my lobby when I saw this box. Interesting box so I took a photo and sent it to my friend RL.

She in turn sent me this. Who the hell orders these? I need to go see whose name is on the box and keep my eye out for them!
And who has a tramp stamp of a bar-bell? Wow. Speechless. First time for everything folks!

Guess Who Likes Flowers?

Spring Is In The Air, FINALLY!

Ah spring feels like it may finally rear its head. Today is our first day of sun since I came home. Actually we’ve had one day of sun between then and now. I’ve been home for 2 weeks mind you. It’s had a serious affect on me, this lack of sunshine and vitamin D! Never thought it would be depressing living where it’s cloudy all the time, 7 days a week, but it is! Now I can see why Portland and Seattle are the suicide capitals of the world. Seriously!

I went for a walk earlier and took some photos that I'll post. My arms were so happy to be outside. It’s sometimes nice to just walk around with no aim. People wonder why I always have my camera or my iphone on me, take a look at the pics and you’ll see why. The flowers blooming are so beautiful. I could have taken 100 photos today of just flowers in bloom. The park near me was packed, kids on the jungle gym, running around screaming like wild banshees! Made me smile.

My hood is a magnet for tourists and I can already tell I’m going to hate it this summer. It’s not the noise, it’s not the traffic, it’s the amount of people. I live in kind of a Beverly Hills type of area and I just don’t like it. If I could take my apartment and put it in SE PDX I would, in a heartbeat. At least then I’d be closer to friends and my family. I am looking forward to trips out of my hood and hope to make it to the beach, the waterfalls etc. this spring and summer. As I type this I’ve got Fugazi blaring out of my apartment trying to drown out the guy sitting in his car across the street who is blaring Tom Petty. F that.

Case in point, I was on the phone with MS while crossing the street. Girl in a HUGE SUV would not stop and actually yelled at me to get off the phone. I yelled "Fuck you! You get off the phone, you're DRIVING, I'm WALKING" She yelled at me to fuck off so I called her a stinky hippie. I think I need a vacation.

Speaking of, 22 days until I go to San Diego. It can’t come soon enough! I’m getting more anxious by the day. I can’t imagine the shape I’ll be in when it’s only 2 days away, Jesus H Christ. I was awake this morning at 3:12am wondering what I’m going to pack. I am in no position to be packing for a trip 22 days away so why the fuck is it waking me up? God only knows.

DH and I seem to be back on communicating levels. At least we’re texting again. I hope to talk to him tonight. This morning’s exchange went a little something like this:

DH – You just crossed my mind. I can’t wait to see you.
ME – I can’t put into words what crosses my mind when I think of you – haha. But it is amazing what you do to me DH. 22 days and counting.
DH – 22 days? Ugh. You take my breath away. What spell am I under? This is pretty fucking amazing for me. Or for us? What the F?
ME – I’m under the same spell, I believe it may be called fate? Xo

And so it goes, and so it goes….